Be Still & Blog.... already.

Real talk. Don't pretend you haven't had these conversations with Him or maybe it is just me. “Lord, I feel like you are crushing me…it is too much...What more?”(p.s. don't ask that question usually he finds more)  “unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears   much fruit” “LORD, when will you take this ache away?” “when your righteousness goes forth as the noonday" and no, that's not the answer I wanted, it's not how I work but peace washed over.. "You keep Him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he TRUSTS in you." Does that mean I haven't had this conversation over and over with Him, absolutely not but I do have His promise, and He is at work. I look for Him each day.. daily bread.  Sometimes we get caught up in the end result of our affliction and we start looking for the light at the end of the tunnel but what if that light doesn't come when we want it...

This takes the form of listening prayer. Unlike many of previous posts... it's really a  compilation of all the truths He has spoken to me over the last two months. These truths aren't just true for me... they are true for you too. Beloved, Why do you feast on the garbage of this world? Why is your measuring stick out to start your comparison games? Only to find yourself wanting—you spend your money on that which is not bread and you labor for that which does not satisfy. Beloved, I have made you uniquely. I knitted and formed you together in your mother’s womb fashioning your heart with great care…. You are altogether beautiful my love there is no flaw in you! I delight in you! I rejoice over you with singing! You are so precious to me that I sent my son to ransom you with His own blood. Beloved, my banner over you is love and though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains t...

I was reminded recently of my love/hate relationship with the GPS. Literally, I had it for years and would only get it out for long trips. I would just rather someone tell me landmarks or general ideas...  I blame a GPS for getting me lost one time (no resentment or anything).. but I digress.  ALONE. 9 hours in the car. The longest I had ever driven by myself with not a clue as to where I was going.  My Mom and dad had given me a general scope of the directions but the GPS had to be turned on for this trip (at the risk of it getting me lost)... it was too long of a trip not to. About an hour or two into the drive, I discovered I had not gone the way my parents had given me. In fact, I had no idea where I was and I felt sick, and even more alone. My GPS wouldn't let me see all the directions at once--- it would just give them to me one by one. MISERABLE. I love whole pictures, and was impatient not to men...

28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Matthew 14:28-33 Walking on Water. Peter got to! Jesus called to him and he stepped out, in faith, fixing his eyes on Jesus. He stinkin walked on water! How neat is that.  But then the winds--- he took his gaze off Jesus. He became afraid, and He began to sink. He began to focus on the circumstances of the situation rather than the orchestrator of them.  But then, Peter cries out "save me" and Jesus IMMEDIATELY reaches ou...

Zechariah 3:2-4 (read the whole chapter!-- it's that good)   2 And the Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, O Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?” 3 Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. 4 And the angel said to those who were standing before him, “Remove the filthy garments from him.” And to him he said, “Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments.” We are Brands Plucked from the fire. My heart was full as I was reminded of this scripture--- this past week. Randomly? (not so random... hello Spirit) the thought "a brand plucked from the fire" came to mind. I went home and looked back in my journal... it was the same passage He gave me two years ago! and even better--- it was the exact day. I hope that gives you goose bumps. He is a God of the details... hello!!!! This passage is one of those mo...

And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." Luke 5:31 I hate going to the doctor. Not because there are shots or they might draw blood, in fact, watching blood come from my arm--i find interesting. quirky, i know. I hate going to the doctor because that means somethings wrong. Most likely-- it's because in my own little world-- I don't get sick, and when I am, I write it off. The question read "why are you here today?" I just sat there staring at it (more like thinking..duh, because I'm sick)  Annoyed that I was about to have to write out all my symptoms. Annoyed that I was going to have to be completely honest and couldn't just have the attitude of "no big deal" with it because  I was at the doctor for crying out loud. Why would I go the doctor and not write out all my symptoms.. I mean, you go to get answers and help. (plus, I had already tried my own remedies) But of course, I...

"Hold me just one minute" words of a three year old right as  story time ended and just as I picked her up to put her down for the night. And then the questioning began "Will you check on me? will you leave the light on just a little? will you crack the door? will you check on me?" "yes, little one, yes, ill be right downstairs. With all her requests met, I head downstairs to clean up from the mess we'd made and to start prepping for the next day. Taking care of her needs while she slumbers (or at least she's suppose to be sleeping) and then I hear "Miss Kirsten, Miss Kirsten" as her voice begins to break. I sprint--- taking the stairs two by two. "I'm here, I'm here." Tears start spilling over as she settles back down, and then repeats the same questioning process, "will you come check on me?"  "I'll come check on you. I'm just downstairs.I'm here." As I got her settled, His Spirit whispere...

Valetines Day. Some of us LOVE it. Some of us LOVE to hate it. I will say I've been on both sides of the spectrum. This year.. drum roll...I'm a tad bit excited about Valentines Day. Mainly because I get to celebrate with 18, 3rd graders! partaay... . And yes, I'm getting them some sort of cartoonish Valentine and sugared treat. (and giving it to them exactly at 2:50; have fun mom and dad!!!) BUT generally, holidays come with mixed emotions. Valentines Day can make some of us hyper aware of our singleness and others hyper aware of their relational-ness. OR not, maybe you air on the side of avoiding.. but come on... there are ridiculous waits at restaurants, cards, and candy everywhere. you can't avoid it...Besides, I'm just verbalizing what you're probably thinking about.... Anywho. This post is not typical, no analogies really and maybe more rambling. I'm not in the marriage or dating boat, so I can't really speak into that.. bu...

Bless the Lord , O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.... 9 He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. 10 He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalms 103:2-12 (6-8 are missing on here) Student of the month. Big honor, no doubt, I mean you get the chance to eat with the principal. Hello, cool points. Usually the student of the month is picked based on excellent conduct and grades, all the qualifications of ---grade A student. As we (my mentor teacher and I) were discussing it for ...

A week and a half ago, I was caught. Caught up with myself... gross. Weary with the semester and its demands, and concerned about deadlines and teaching evaluations. All the planning seemed like I was putting on a "show"(trained seal anyone), to get a good grade. To look good to someone who I will never see and have them evaluate my ability to teach which would in turn decide if I graduated (no pressure!?). And then the comparison of ...  there are others, more creative, more skilled than me. (well.. hello... of course there are!!)   In the midst of this, I forgot.    I forgot why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place.  I forgot that teaching really isnt about me.  It's about a Sovereign God who directed my steps to teaching inspite of my own self-determined will to be a nurse. It's about a God who orchestrated each detail of this semester to the minute details. Who has POURED out grace...

 The conversation was over the summer but it stuck. Hearts open, laying it out as a friend and I pounded it out on the pavement. Sweet fellowship. Overwhelmed with the lessons we were learning and His patience towards us as we talked about how often it seems we learn the same lesson over and over,and more often than not, in greater depths. Onion layers being peeled back one at a time. Overwhelmed realizing His patience toward us is unfathomable. We are slow learners with a patient teacher. 8 But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you..(2 Peter 3:8-9) Fast forward: My students tackled time this week---elapsed time, a daunting task for both teacher and student. Also fitting for the lesson to be remembered and relearned from the summer, our tim...

The question posed, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and they answered... "I want to be..." ...a famous singer. ...a famous artist. ... a famous fashion designer. ... a famous baseball player. They all wanted to be famous. They wanted to be known, important. Their child-like boldness proclaiming desire untainted by disappointments and realities. Their dream to be famous allowing a window into their hearts. Maybe even into our own. My inner cynic came out(I mean, everyone can't be a famous baseball player) as I watched their interactions  until I realized their desire to be famous is really at the heart of all of us-it's the desire to be known. To do something that matters, to be apart of something bigger than ourselves. Because really when it comes down to it, isn't that your desire? You want to be known so you throw yourself into work, school, relationships, sports, music, fashion, exe...

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."(Psalms 62:1-2) Silence. Waiting. Neediness. He seems to work in themes patiently bearing in love, drawing  with chords of kindness not surprised by the messiness but instead using it to transform, to restore. Most of life involves waiting. Abraham waited for God's promise of a son. The Israelites waited 400 yrs to be delivered from Egypt. 40 years to enter the Promise Land. Along with countless accounts of His people waiting for His promise to be fulfilled. Never in the time frame demanded or expected. In the waiting, they saw His faithfulness. In the waiting, they were reminded of his steadfast love.  In the waiting, they were being transformed. In the waiting, he teaches, he molds. He strengthens. Wait and take courage. For even youths shall grow weary and faint but those who wait...

One of the joys of babysitting and working with little ones is seeing child like faith, and seeing how the Lord uses a child's faith or at least their simplicity in word and deed to speak truth and life. (most of the time I'm quite sure they don't even know it) Here's a glimpse of these truths being spoken, embedded  into my heart through the mouths of babes and the working of His Spirit.   They wanted to play doctor... they love to play doctor.I think it's mainly because they get to pretend to cut my hair(no worries, the scissors have been checked multiple times just to make sure they are indeed pretend) As we were playing, they started covering me with bandages "We are taking you to the cross.." I thought maybe I misheard them and asked again. "where are you taking me?" "To the cross..." "Why are you taking me to the cross?" "To be covered in the blood... Take her to the cross!" "Why do I need to be ...

Samuel took a large stone and placed it between the towns of Mizpah and Jeshanah. He named it Ebenezer—"the stone of help"—for he said, "Up to this point the Lord has helped us!" —1 Samuel 7:12, NLT 23 years. Here I raise my Ebenezer. This year of life can be compared to standing out in the ocean with waves catching you by surprise. One passes by and you've had just a moment to take a breath before another swallows you whole, and maybe the next gets you before you've caught your breath and boom there you are back under the water.  "all your waves and your billows passed over me" (Jonah 3:3). Notice Jonah says all YOUR waves and YOUR billows. He knows these are from Him. It may seem strange that  it gives me comfort in knowing these are His waves because knowing they are from Him allows me to trust they are meant for my good and His glory. He is good.  Although we may feel like we are drowning,  He promise...