Paradigm Shift

A week and a half ago, I was caught. Caught up with myself... gross. Weary with the semester and its demands, and concerned about deadlines and teaching evaluations. All the planning seemed like I was putting on a "show"(trained seal anyone), to get a good grade. To look good to someone who I will never see and have them evaluate my ability to teach which would in turn decide if I graduated (no pressure!?). And then the comparison of ...  there are others, more creative, more skilled than me. (well.. hello... of course there are!!)
 
In the midst of this, I forgot.
 
 I forgot why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place.  I forgot that teaching really isnt about me.  It's about a Sovereign God who directed my steps to teaching inspite of my own self-determined will to be a nurse. It's about a God who orchestrated each detail of this semester to the minute details. Who has POURED out grace giving me wide places to step, and making them secure.  It's about 36 pairs of eyes and 18 little souls I have been entrusted to teach and love on this year. What a gift. What a responsibility.  I can remember the moment, after asking Jesus why I was weary with teaching when He had made the way for this season of life,  and the answer came one day as I looked out over a sea of faces in the midst of trying to prove abilities once again.10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10) Yikes..

Eyes lift and the paradigm begins to shift... "For the just and gracious God of the universe looked upon hopelessly sinul people and sent His son Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, to bear His wrath against sin on the cross and to show His power over sin in the Resurrection so that all who have faith in Him will be reconciled to God forever." The Gospel. His righteouness given to me not based on what anyone thinks or any ability I have or don't have.

Striving only makes me weary.
" Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun." (Ecclesiates 2:11) All my toil is for nothing, striving after the wind... if I forget who I am in Him because even my best striving is as filthy rags to Him.






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